If Only
by Rina Aria
Summary: "I'm going to get married" Chloe's announcement of her marriage had shaken Senel so much after he realized his feeling for the Lady Knight. Especially when Chloe requested him the hardest role he could imagine. In his regret, Senel seek the closure for his feeling and how would Chloe react? One sided SenelxChloe


**Disclaimer: It's obvious I don't have Tales of Legendia, because it was properties of Bandai Namco.**

I remember I said it somewhere that I ship Senel x Chloe over Shirley, but right now I somewhat swallow it. Usually I would write how Chloe finally managed to knock Senel out in a sense where she managed to make him realize her feeling. Although this one is the same but this turned into one-sided love. Yes, take that Senel from wasting an awesome girl like Chloe!

* * *

><p><strong>Senel POV<strong>

* * *

><p>"I'm going to get married!"<p>

That news hit me harder than I thought it would. I never would have thought that there would be a day like this. Yes, I wouldn't have even dreamed about it before.

"Congratulations Chloe!"

"Wow C, you are amazing!"

"I'm so happy for both of you."

Everyone of our makeshift family naturally give their blessing to Chloe who merely smiled happily at them. Her smile radiated how she was very happy at gaining their blessing. The man that name had escaped my name watched over how Chloe was showered by blessing and congratulation from left and right, looked like he was proud of her.

Who wouldn't be proud with her? It was a common knowledge that the heiress of House of Valens had saved the world not just once but twice. She is a peerless warrior who saved the lives of many using her own life as the bet. I couldn't count how many deed she had done for the kingdom of Gadoria. Even after the path of swords had long been forgotten to resolve the problem, Chloe had became a good sword in the art of diplomacy as well. She is well loved in Gadoria.

Yes, it had been 5 years since Chloe left the Legacy to restore her family honor. She visited quite so often but most of the time all of us talked with her through letter. The last time I saw her in person was when she visited for Norma's birthday and for god sake, she had become a stunning lady.

No more, she styled her hair on that bob-cut of hers. Her long silky hair had grown to her waist and she would just left it like that when she didn't have her sword since she would tie it into a bun. Her eyes are still as sharp as ever but it had grown softer and looked like she had become wiser than her age let on.

Her choice of wardrobe had changed as well. I was used to see her using her tight suit until few years back, but last year she came wearing a dress and even if she used skirt her movement is as fluid as ever. The Chloe that I was used to see had gone and the new her was so stunning anyone went agape at what they knew as Chloe Valens, Moses, Jay and myself included.

I should have noticed at that times the first time I saw that Chloe's appearance had changed drastically within a year. I should have known that something in Chloe had changed… especially when I realized that she would take slightly longer to respond our letters.

"When would it be?" I asked as I tried my best to put up my best expression.

Chloe turned to me with a beaming smile, something she never let me see for years. She turned red slightly before looking at her husband-to-be before replying, "We planned to do it next month in the Legacy. I had told Shirley about it few months back but I asked her to keep it a secret until I could tell you in person, right Shirley?"

Shirley turned her head to everyone apologetically but when she looked at me, she looked even more devastated like she had failed to do something. I merely turned my head away, unable to look at her in eyes. There was only one obvious reason for that why she looked like that. She knew about how I feel.

I didn't know since when… no, maybe it was since the very first day Chloe departed from the Legacy and go back to her hometown. I had started missing Chloe badly that sometimes it affected my performance. Like when I was in pinch, I would often look behind to look for Chloe who would always have my back covered but there would be no Chloe there. I'm too slow to understand that the reason of it was because I had fallen in love for Chloe.

Yes, I was too slow to notice it. I only managed to realize it when Chloe uttered those final 5 words. I was devastated, jealous beyond reason, and regretted all my action up until now. If only I had realized this sooner then I might have the chance to have Chloe, I might have been able to prevent this outcome from happening. But that would be nothing but empty hope. Chloe is going to get married and she is happy about her marriage. I could see it in her eyes that she is in love with her husband-to-be. She would be happy.

Yes, she would be happy and I should have been happy for her as well. But this bitterness and pain inside my chest just won't disappear. Chloe had turned her face to her loved one with a bright smile that I had never known before. I hoped that it would have been for me instead as I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists.

"Then C what about your family name after you are married? Did you change it?" Norma asked with an infectious laughter as she hugged Chloe tightly.

"Our family name is going to use mine Norma. Don't worry even if I did change it, I would still be a Chloe Valens for you all," Chloe replied lightly as she pried herself away from Norma in such elegance that befitted her status as a Lady Knight.

"Oh yeah, of course you would be! What a silly question even for me!" Norma said with a bright laughter as she took few steps away from Chloe who looked like she was already used to it.

"Then how would it be for the wedding ceremony? Would you do the rite of Ferines?" Jay asked in half-amusement since it had been a common knowledge that Chloe is –still- couldn't swim.

Everyone, except for me who was still sullen, snickered at the comment as Chloe turned beet red at the harmless comment. Even her husband-to-be snickered at it. So he knew it as well.

"Jay, anymore comment about my swimming ability, I shall rip you some height," Chloe retorted as she lightly hit Jay on the head. No one could deny this one.

"You see Chloe, even if you tried to make Jay any taller than he is now, I doubt he would get any taller," Moses added with laughter only to be silenced by Jay's kick.

Everyone laughed at the exchange of random jokes after that as we then moved to some newly built restaurant, Norma and Shirley recommendation. The talk of the marriage resurfaced as we waited for the food to be prepared.

"So Chloe how would you do the ceremony? Do you need any of our help?" Moses asked again with a spirited tone since he sounded like he honestly wanted to help.

"Any kind of help from you Red is bound to end in disaster," Norma mocked as she sighed and shook her head slightly.

"No, it won't!" Moses replied as he clawed on Norma figuratively while Norma merely dodged his angry glare, which was nonexistent compared to Will or Chloe.

Everyone else laughed at it and I made an honest effort to laugh as my eyes focused on Chloe who happily accept Moses help although she didn't say anything specifically. Shirley also asked where they would stay and I got the most obvious reply, in Gadoria. Chloe still promised to write and come from time to time but she couldn't promise anything else besides that.

Norma then would joke about kids and Chloe and her spouse turned red at that. Jay then would ask in detail about how many they wanted and Chloe husband-to-be would reply with as many as Chloe want since he was happy with any kid that Chloe gave him. The atmosphere became slightly lovely but it only fueled my bitterness.

Since I couldn't stand it any longer, I stood up, quite abruptly to add that the talk shortly put into a halt. Everyone looked at me with curiosity and I half-cursed in my heart for being so childish. Chloe looked at me as if she didn't understand what I have in mind. Her eyes made me became even guiltier since I hoped that somehow they would break off their marriage.

"I… I need to go to the washroom," I said almost lamely as I tried to walk away quickly from the table. I felt Shirley eyes on me and Chloe as well but I ignored it all. I had no confidence that I could face Chloe right now.

I entered the washroom before I landed my fist on the wall to channel my pent up anger. With a low tone I murmured, "Chloe… I love you."

I felt my eyes sting but I merely covered them as I let myself drop on the ground, still murmuring my feeling for the girl that soon would be too far away for my hand to reach. Chloe would live in Gadoria, Chloe will get married, Chloe will have her own family in Gadoria, and Chloe would leave the Legacy forever. I wouldn't be able to hold Chloe anymore. I couldn't be able to hope that Chloe would finally call me by name.

I'm such a fool. I'm such a big fool. Only now, I had remembered that Chloe would only drop her guard around me. It had been such a long time since I remembered that Norma would say something about Chloe and me, about how we are so close. I finally realized that Chloe would get angry about it. If that were any chance for me to keep Chloe close… then that would become my greatest folly right now.

I didn't know how long I had been running away until I heard Chloe's voice saying, "Coolidge what took you so long?"

My breath hitched in my throat. I would never think that Chloe would be here to look for me. She was worried about my well-being.

No, I shouldn't get happy about it. Soon Chloe would become a married woman. She would no longer be just Chloe Valens. She would become someone else Chloe Valens.

"Were you upset?" Chloe asked again with a small soft voice as if asking herself instead of me. She looked like she had her own guilt for not saying that she would get married any time sooner.

When I heard her voice turned solemn, I quickly clean any trace of my bitterness and get out. Chloe was just standing there as if waiting for me. She looked like she wanted to have a word with me but couldn't say anything before because there are a lot of people listening on us. Or it might be that she didn't know how to say it.

"I'm not upset at you Chloe. I was happy for you as well, maybe just... surprised at the news" I reasoned as I tried to sound normal while saying it. Fat luck however since I was bitter about this whole ordeal with Chloe getting married. Although it was my own fault for being so dense that, I couldn't get Chloe. If only Chloe had no one right now, I would be hugging her tightly, so tightly I didn't care about anything else.

"Is that so? Then I'm glad. Actually I have a favor to ask you Coolidge," Chloe said with a relieved face. It looked like she believed in what I said. Maybe I was better at lying more than I thought?

"Yes, what is it I could help you with Chloe?" I asked as normal as I could. If it was for Chloe then I'm going to do anything.

Chloe looked elated with my reply. She had her prettiest smile on her already beautiful face when she knew I agreed on what she asked. I merely smiled at the sight, an earnest smile this time because Chloe is smiling for me.

My mood plummeted to the ground when Chloe said, "Then, may I ask you to be my best man?"

My surrounding darkened in an instant that I went into auto pilot mode to go back to the group. Maybe I shouldn't have asked…

* * *

><p>I don't know how but I managed to stay alive for the whole month. Due to the news of Chloe Valens, marriage ceremony the Werites Beacon became very lively. The wedding preparation became even more hectic with the cooperation of the one in Werites Beacon and Chloe was showered by many congratulations.<p>

Somehow, I managed to go through the preparation of being a part of the marriage ceremony. Will had become the Priest, Chloe's request, while Norma and Shirley became the Bridesmaids. I wasn't, and maybe wouldn't, get used on walking around in a tuxedo when I was trying the clothes for the other participant.

The saving grace that also became the worst poison was seeing Chloe using a wedding dress. Of course, she looked absolutely beautiful and the best bride I have ever seen. But at the same time, Chloe felt so far away and unreachable. She was wearing that dress for someone else that I didn't bother to know.

"Wow, you look absolutely stunning C!" Norma would comment when it was the time for Chloe to try on her wedding dress, for adjustment and that sort of stuff.

Shirley would also compliment Chloe while I'm being silent in the background. I didn't have the heart to destroy Chloe's dreamed marriage, no matter how tempting it would be. But, this feeling that had bound me with irregular irritation made me wanted to at least say something to Chloe about my feeling.

But the real answer would be how. Lately Chloe would be surrounded by many people and when she didn't she would spend it with either the girls or her husband-to-be. I didn't have the heart to pry into Chloe's interaction with other so I had been quiet with her for the whole month.

Tomorrow is Chloe's marriage and everyone managed to settle down in their respective house. I was walking around the somewhat empty road to the graveyard when I saw someone I didn't think would be seeing, Chloe and for some reason, she was all alone.

I froze on my track the instance I spotted her leaning against the tree as if waiting for someone to pass by. I gulped visibly when Chloe looked up and our eyes met in an instance. Chloe smiled lightly before she stepped out from the shade of the tree and walked to my direction. I wonder did she actually wait for me?

"It looks like it had been quite the time since we managed to talk alone Coolidge," Chloe said with a ghastly smile as she looked at me.

"Yes… you had been very busy with the wedding preparation these days," I replied as I tried to sound normal when I speak. My hearts raced at the thought that Chloe did wait for me here to talk with me. I didn't know how but it looked like she knew the road that I would take to go to graveyard.

Chloe laughed lightly and then she said, "I never thought that wedding would be this merry… It still worth the effort though and I love my partner as well."

I clicked my tongue in annoyance. Yes, I had known that much thank you very much for stating the obvious Chloe. But there is no way I would say that to Chloe. I merely sighed and then asked, "So, did I miss something then?"

"You never said anything about this, Coolidge," Chloe replied with a deadpan expression, very contrast with how she looked very happy just a moment ago. Maybe Chloe noticed that I took some distance from her.

"I remembered I had said the whole congratulation things when you first announced it. I… didn't think that I have a say in your marriage," I replied quite in forced manner. I was still as bad with words as ever.

Chloe folded her arms as if she was actually angry to me. She let out a sigh before she said, "I had a feeling you wanted to say something but couldn't. That's why I asked Shirley the path you go to Stella's graveyard so I could speak with you without any interruption."

I was shocked to the core since what Chloe said was true. So she noticed about how I wanted to talk to her in private. I release my breath that I didn't realize I holding and started to relax somewhat. Chloe had given me the chance to say it.

"You got me right… but honestly I doubt whatever I said would make any difference… you two love each other," I replied as I looked away from Chloe. It was clear that there would be no way.

"I _love _my husband, so…" Chloe said with a sigh as she changed her way to speak about the shape of her feeling. (Senel used 'Ai' while Chloe used 'Suki')

I couldn't help but notice how Chloe changed her phrasing as she looked straight to me. I had a feeling that I would regret it but there is no way I could back away from this one anymore. I placed my hand on her cheek and stroked it tenderly as I said, "I love you, Chloe."

Chloe's eyes widened greatly and her mouth went agape. She took some steps behind and covered her mouth as I turned away almost in shame. I just hope that I wasn't too direct on saying it, but I had no other way to tell her that.

The air went into complete halt between us. I heard Chloe's stepped forward and returned back my attention to her and saw something that I never seen from Chloe, a tender smile that told me how she loves me as well. I didn't know how to respond so I muttered, "…Chloe?"

"So… that's how it was… it looked like this was also fate…" Chloe muttered more to herself than me. Her face turned slightly sad at what she said.

I didn't move a muscle when Chloe took my hands with hers and clasped it together. I noticed that her hands were shaking slightly and I looked at Chloe without saying anything. I didn't know what I should anticipate since I didn't feel like I was rejected. It felt like… I need to be rejected.

"It looked like… I was as dense as you are, Coolidge… no, Senel…" Chloe said with a small voice as she changed how she called me consciously.

"I honestly don't understand what you are saying Chloe…" I muttered as I tried to rack my head for any kind of answer. First she was about to get married, then she called me using my name. If that wasn't confusing then I didn't know what would be.

She let go my hands and shook her head lightly before she said, "If you said that a year ago then I would have accepted it… that's why I need to reject you…"

"Chloe…" I muttered as I gazed upon Chloe who looked as if she had done something she couldn't undo. But at least I understand what she wanted to say… as well as why she corrected my words before.

"Please Senel… I hope you of all people would understand it…" Chloe said as she looked away as if she didn't know how to explain herself.

I nodded solemnly as I joined her in the silence that enveloping us. I knew Chloe's standing and I'm sure she was in no place to cancel her own wedding. And seeing how she persuades me to not delve further than this because the love she had for her husband is still true. But in other side… her feeling towards me is as true as anything as well.

"If that's what you wanted then it is okay, but Chloe…" I trailed as I gazed upon Chloe who had finalized the distance that we should take for both of our sake.

"I know… even if you can't have me physically, just remember that my heart is yours… remember that no matter what, you are my first love," Chloe replied gently before she rested her head on my shoulders. She then closed her eyes as if in peace and was glad that she could say it.

I didn't know how I should respond except hugging her tightly. In my heart, I vowed that this would be the last time before I let her go. I murmured an apology to Chloe since I didn't want to let her go now. But I promised her that even if in the future I would get married as well my heart would still be hers.

At the very long last the day of the wedding ceremony come. I still feel the pain inside my chest but it was something tolerable. I was glad about what I did last night since my chest certainly felt lighter. I had gained the closure that I needed so now… I would be able to help Chloe walked down the altar.

Talking about Chloe… It should be around this time that she was finished with her dress…

"Wow C, you are ten thousand folds prettier in that!" Norma shouting invaded my hearing the instant I wondered about Chloe preparation. Well, that answered my internal wondering at the very least.

I heard Chloe replied with something that I couldn't hear. Well, Chloe's preparation room was down the hallway of the church so you need to shout as loud as Norma if you want someone from another side of the place hear your voice. I doubt that there would be anyone who could reach Norma's voice level in the matter of loudness. Well, maybe except… her kids.

I knocked on the door as I shouted, "Were you done? And Norma you are too loud!"

"You are too stingy!" came Norma's reply as I saw the door being opened from inside.

I rolled my eyes but found my breath to be taken away at the sight of Chloe. Now I see why Norma needed to shout that loud. Chloe had turned even more beautiful than she already is that it would be bad for anyone's heart.

Chloe's wedding dress is a white strapless one, revealing her beautiful shoulders, with layered bottom that covered her feet with the tail (?) dragged on the floor. She also wore long transparent veil that looked like a flower crown due to the fact of the colorful flower that meanings escaped my mind on her hair. I don't know who did her hair but she looked stunning with it. Her hair was put up into high bun but left some strands of her hair to frame her face. I didn't even touch her make-up since it made her already pretty eyes even prettier and her face even more beautiful.

"Holy… Norma, remind me to throw the man to the edge of the world if he dared to make Chloe cry…" I muttered as I gazed upon Chloe from up to toe. She is the perfect bride.

"Note taken Senny. If that happen, mind me to join you and Indignation him as well?" Norma replied with her arms crossed as she nodded her head in agreement.

Chloe laughed lightly and took her bouquet before she said, "You two overdid it… but maybe you will need to tell him yourself about… getting thrown and Indignation incoming… I won't imagine how Shirley would do the deed since after all, she is a Ferines."

We all laughed on that and Norma excused herself since 'she had something to take care of' or so she said, leaving me and Chloe alone in the room. Chloe looked at me with a bashful expression before asking, "What do you think about this Senel?"

I merely smiled and stroked her cheek lightly before saying, "You look beautiful… that man is one hell of a lucky man."

Chloe laugh in nervous tone as I merely gazed at her. The pain is still there, but knowing that I had my closure made it even easier. I kissed her forehead and let it stay there when I notice that Chloe stiffen at my gesture. Maybe she was surprised about how I kissed her forehead even after what we agreed on last night.

When I let go of her I took few steps behind and watched Chloe looking at me questioningly. I merely smiled tenderly to her before saying, "Congratulations for your marriage Chloe. Make sure that you gain your happiness… I shall pray for you from the Legacy."

Chloe's eyes widened and she also smiled happily, the best smile befitting of her beauty. Then I offered my hands for her to hold in which she took almost immediately. Our eyes met before we laughed.

This is… for the best.


End file.
